When I found out that I was pregnant I didn't know how to handle it. The second I peed on that stick and saw that it was positive I was speechless. I didn't know how to process my emotions...was I happy? I knew, I for sure wasn't sad, I kept thinking,“Did this test give me the correct results?”I was shocked. I didn't know what to think. Obviously, I knew how all of this happened but, I guess nothing really prepares you for the feeling that you get when you get a positive pregnancy test. Most people are overjoyed knowing that this was exactly what they wanted all along but, for some reason I wasn't one of those people, (not right away anyway) which left me feeling incredibly guilty, since I wasn't bouncing off the walls and screaming from the rooftops. I wondered for a while if I would be a bad mom because I felt so perplexed, so calm, and so disconnected. I didn't know what to do with myself, I knew I had to tell my husband but, I felt like I couldn't tell him right away because I didn't know how to think or react myself. How was I going to tell him?
I needed to get myself together & come up with a plan so I spent the next few days scouring Pinterest and Googleto find the perfect way to tell him, as well as digest the information myself. There were so many different ideas & emotions going through my head. I just knew that when I told him, I wanted whatever it was to be absolutely perfect. So I decided that the best way to tell him would be through a little box, that he could keep way as a keep sake.
The weekend before I found out, we had taken a trip to California and went to Starbucks. While standing in line, he had told me, " I really like this gift card " and the gift card said "#1 Dad", it was super cute but obviously at the time not relevant to us. Remembering this, I went out and bought that Starbucks gift card, in addition to a nice blank card that said on the cover “let the adventure begin”.
To put the box together, I wrapped an old shoe box in brown packing paper & tied a twine bow around the lid. I put some tissue paper at the bottom of the box & wrote a little note that said, " The only thing better than having you as my husband... Is our kids having you as their Dad! I love you!" - As I wrote this notecard I could feel it all becoming real, we have a little family forming. My feelings of perplexity and disconcertment dissolved and at that moment, I was happy. We made a little miracle. Then, I wrote a card to my husband from our little baby that said, " Hi Dad! I can't wait to meet you! I heard from Mom you are building us a house! I can't wait to see it when I come in July! For now, I am safe and warm in this new cozy place. I am so excited and just know you are going to be the BEST DAD EVER! Love, Baby String" -- It took everything in me to write this card. I had to stop many times in the midst of writing it trying not to cry directly on the card. I was so overwhelmed with so many emotions, and more than anything I had never felt more in love with my husband than I ever have before because I knew...he is truly going to be the best Dad ever. We were officially on our way to being our own family.
It took me making this gift for my husband to realize how amazing and incredible this experience was. Once I wrote down what was actually happening, it all became so real. Even though this gift was for him, I can honestly say, I needed this gift just as much as he did. I will never forget the day I told my husband, December 3, 2015. We met at our new home in the midst of demo monthof our renovation. His reaction when he opened the box, is one that I will never forget, it was absolutely priceless. I watched him go from surprised, to asking if I was playing a prank on him, to watching him tear up, to both of us tearing up. It was heart melting. We did it, we stood there embraced in each others arms both excited, confused, surprised and ready for our new adventure, standing in the rubble that was our future home. I couldn't have imagined it any other way. It was, in my eyes, absolutely perfect.